As 2014 draws to a close, I'm reflecting on what this year has meant to me. It's going to be a bit of a wordy post, so do please bear with me...
I'm going to sum up 2014 in two words - recovery and rediscovery.
I've made no secret of my ill feeling towards my wedding trilogy in the past - you can catch a glimpse here and here if you aren't sick of them already. I always assumed that I would be all better once the weddings were over (in October 2013), but in the months that followed, my emotional state continued its downward spiral.
On the outside, I was still the same bubbly self - unless the W word was mentioned, in which case I'd turn into the Gruffalo - and few people would even suspect anything's wrong. On the inside though, I was a wreck, and I knew I had to do something to snap out of it.
The road to recovery starts with acknowledging that there's a problem and determining the root cause. After a lot of soul searching, I found it - the sense of losing control. I've always been pretty confident and independent since I was little, and I rarely feel not in control. However, over the last couple of years, I, rightly or wrongly, felt like I was coerced into making life decisions against my wishes.
I found myself resenting wasting so much money on weddings that could have been better spent elsewhere (hellooooo? I could have bought like 10 Chanels!). I was stuck in a profession that I'm not passionate about (don't tell my boss!) so that I could pay for the mortgage on a house that I don't really like. There's a lot of direct and indirect pressure to have babies when I haven't found a) my old self, and b) a compelling reason to except that is what's expected of me.
I could rant for hours on that last point but let's just make it clear now that I love kids, but I'll only have them if/when it's right for me.
Anyway, in April, I decided to start this blog as a positive way to focus my energy. I'm not sure I've quite found my "voice" yet. Sometimes my posts are quite random but hey, that's ok coz I'm not pretending to be the greatest blogger of all time!
Over the last 8 months, for my own enjoyment as well as for creating content for this blog, I have travelled to some exciting places (expect to see posts on South America soon, eeeek!), baked savoury cupcakes, done lots of DIY from Sharpies storage jars and wrapping paper to Ikea hack furniture, and basically just trying out random things!
I'm so happy to have rediscovered the creative and experimental me - the little girl who would compose "masterpieces" on her piano, fold origami non-stop, (attempt to) make all sorts of yumminess with her nanny, and the little girl who put 2 AA batteries into a talking teddy that took a single D battery (it worked)!
I'm not going to lie. I still have a few wobbles from time to time, but I'm going to continue to focus my energy on positive things (and people), and I'm very excited for a more inspired 2015!
To end 2014 with a BANG, here are some of my highlights.
Left to right: Christmas Day in Jimmy's family home, Dublin trip with my little sister, friends' wedding in Sweden, Dino Snores adult sleepover at the Natural History Museum for Jimmy's birthday, Sahara desert, Berlin trip to watch our friend not run the marathon
Left to right: Perito Moreno glacier in Argentina, friends' London wedding river cruise, Dusseldorf trip to visit my primary/secondary/university/work friend, pigging out in Copenhagen, art jamming in Toronto, friends' wedding in Uruguay
Finally, thanks to everyone who has contributed to my recovery and rediscovery. Happy New Year! I hope you all have a fabulous 2015!